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Writer's pictureDaniel Jepsen

Post-op shenanigans (and update)

Okay, the title is a bit of click-bait. There aren't that many shenanigans to relate. But I just really like that word, and, hey, I have cancer so I can do what I want.


Cancer is kind of like the get-out-of-jail card for slightly annoying or self-serving behavior. At least, that is my hope.


By the way, did you know that "shenanigans" is one of those rare English words that is always plural? Apparently, like a Lay's potato chip, you can never have just one.


Anyway, I visited Dr. Meyer for my post-op visit today, and we talked about my PET scan. She is the one that removed that dinner platter sized tumor I talked about in my last post. So, yeah...about that: I might have exaggerated the size of the tumor.


But...I have cancer, so I can do what I want.


The actual spot she removed was about the size of a quarter. But then she also had to remove around the edges to make sure no surrounding tissue was affected. So let's make it a half-dollar. But the thing is, you can't just pull out a half-dollar sized round hole out of someone's back and then stick a bandage on it. You have to fold the skin back over it and then put in stitches, which means you have to cut a long incision. In my case it was over four inches. And, wouldn't you know it, it was directly perpendicular to my spine, so the vertebrae keep rubbing against it. That is why part of it was still open, even after 16 days (and why I can't sit very comfortably).


Of course, the fact that I am so underweight and have almost zero body-fat made the skin more tight than normal. Dr. Meyer didn't say that, but I'm pretty sure she was thinking it.


But the more important news was the results of the PET scan. And we have:


GOOD NEWS!


The scan showed NO internal cancer cells anywhere.


This means that the only cancer cells I had in my body were in the lymph node that Dr. Meyer removed. And, since I am pretty sure she is not planning on reinstalling that baby, that I do not presently have any visible signs of cancer.


I still plan on playing the cancer card, however.


This is for two reasons.


First, it is convenient.


Second, it is possible I have cancer cells that are not visible but will conspire together to form a nice tumor later on.


So that means I will still need to get immunotherapy and, perhaps, chemotherapy. Dr. Meyer has referred me to a different oncologist, since she specializes in breast and skin cancer. I meet him Tuesday, and we will lay out a course of action.


And technically I am still diagnosed with stage 3 malignant melanoma, which, at this point means that I have to be checked by Dr. Meyer every few months. I think she just wants to check out my near-zero body fat torso.


So: good news and prayers answered!


I just hope the big scar on my back doesn't affect my upcoming career as model for trashy romance novels.


My first cover is already published:



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